As a Hypnotherapist working in the field for more than two decades, I see a very consistent pattern of my client with complex interpersonal trauma and it is my story too. Let’s explore toxic parenting trait, so let me add this here too most of the Parents whose children suffer complex interpersonal trauma themselves are traumatized and does not know how to do parenting effectively.
Your children are not your children, Khalil Gibran. Children are born with two basic needs the need for attachment and the need to feel all their emotions. Khalil Gibran beautifully expressed in his poem how conscious parenting is the answer and it can only happen when parents do their inner work and that will come with awareness.
Here is the poem I love how he expressed beautifully how conscious parenting should look like.
“Your children are not your children
They are the sons and daughters of Life’s longing for itself.
They come through you but not from you,
And though they are with you, they belong not to you.
You may give them your love but not your thoughts.
For they have their own thoughts.
You may house their bodies but not their souls,
For their souls dwell in the house of tomorrow,
which you cannot visit, not even in your dreams.
You may strive to be like them, but seek not to make them like you.
For life goes not backward nor tarries with yesterday.
You are the bows from which your children as living arrows are sent forth.
The archer sees the mark upon the path of the infinite, and He bends you with His might that His arrows may go swift and far.
Let your bending in the archer’s hand be for gladness;
For even as he loves the arrow that flies, He also loves the bow that is stable.”
Toxic parenting is a term used to describe a type of parenting that can be harmful to a child’s emotional and psychological well-being. It can take various forms, including neglect, abuse, and overly controlling behavior. Toxic parents can damage their children’s self-esteem, relationships, and overall mental health. However, it is possible to overcome the effects of toxic parenting and lead a fulfilling life.
Here are some common signs of toxic parenting:
- Overprotection and Control: Overly controlling behavior can make children feel trapped and helpless. Such parents may not allow their children to make their own decisions or have their own opinions, leading to a lack of self-esteem and confidence.
- Criticism and Blame: Toxic parents may constantly criticize their children, making them feel worthless and undeserving of love. They may also blame their children for their own problems or shortcomings, which can lead to feelings of guilt and shame.
- Emotional Neglect: Parents who are emotionally unavailable or neglectful can cause their children to feel unimportant and unwanted. Such children may struggle to form healthy relationships and have difficulty expressing emotions.
- Verbal and Physical Abuse: Toxic parents may engage in verbal or physical abuse, which can cause lasting emotional and physical scars. Such behavior can also lead to anxiety, depression, and other mental health issues.
So, how can you overcome the effects of toxic parenting? Here are some strategies that may help:
- Seek Professional Help: A mental health professional can help you work through the effects of toxic parenting and develop healthy coping mechanisms. Therapy can also help you understand the root causes of your issues and find ways to overcome them.
- Practice Self-Care: Taking care of yourself is essential for healing from toxic parenting. Practice self-care by engaging in activities that bring you joy and relaxation, such as exercise, meditation, or spending time with loved ones.
- Set Boundaries: It is important to set boundaries with toxic parents and limit their negative influence on your life. This may mean reducing contact with them or ending the relationship altogether.
- Build Support Networks: Surround yourself with people who love and support you. Seek healthy relationships and build a support network of friends and family who can provide encouragement and guidance.
- Develop Self-Awareness: Becoming self-aware can help you understand how toxic parenting has affected you and develop healthier coping mechanisms. Practice mindfulness and reflection to become more self-aware and identify patterns of behavior that may be holding you back.
In conclusion, overcoming the effects of toxic parenting can be challenging and ongoing.
However, with the right support and resources, it is possible to heal from the emotional scars of toxic parenting and lead a fulfilling life. Remember to seek help when needed, practice self-care set boundaries, build support networks, and develop self-awareness to overcome the effects of toxic parenting. You can seek help from Ameenah Thobani, Best Hypnotherapist in Vancouver, British Columbia