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People with childhood trauma—perfectionism!

Sounds familiar right! Constantly driven to do more better, to get the best and never feel satisfied in life with relationships, accomplishments always feels there is more to it and that absence of feeling content creates anxious feelings. I want everything in control, uncertainty is scary and creates anxiety to control everything. It’s that constant tension that keeps people trapped and unable to go with the flow, surrender or let go.

For me, I never knew I was so wound up all the time until I spontaneously regressed to my past life and found myself into the unknown. It was scary but feeling of curiosity was there too. That led me to figure out my messy, overly controlled life.

I decided to step in to that unfamiliar place and that decision opened a Pandora’s box. I am so proud of myself for taking that journey towards Liberation.

Perfectionism is one way our wounded inner child shows up!

As perfectionists, people can often live in their heads, worried and constantly trying to control every aspect of them selves and their lives. They believe they need to go above and beyond all the time to be accepted, embraced, loved and happy. They think they need to take extreme measures to be valued, be seen and heard. But this way of living robs them of truly living, the power of the present, and their most authentic life. But, most importantly, it robs them the most important aspect of loving them selves and acceptance and the dilemma is disconnection with their trueself they are not connected to them selves and don’t know who they are because of childhood trauma they were unable to build the connection with them selves.

Let’s explore how to overcome and look in to the resources that can help discord the the urge to be perfect to be accepted and and be in a flow with life.

It’s a healing journey needs perseverance journey. No one sees us the way we do to ourselves.

People who judge you needs healing too so it’s not about you. With my critical view point of my self it took me a long time to accept my beautiful body it was everyday’s disappointment to strive for perfectionism it was never even close to the expectations I was trying to achieve so hard it was not even mine but as a wounded child I was also judging myself from that lens that standard box from other people’s point of view about beauty and size.

Slowly, I unraveled the messiness of perfectionism, falling more times than I could count. I still fall today, but getting up is much quicker and filled with a lot more kindness than before. As each layer comes off, trauma always comes in layers and so does healing a new sense of freedom sets in.

This is the journey of healing—a process, a discovery, a continuous renewal. With support it speeds up little bit but actual work is our own responsibility. Ways to overcome perfectionism and heal our inner child. Self-esteem and confidence.

With low self-esteem and confidence, people always look for validation from outside. That’s the only way people with low self esteem feel valued . Building self-esteem helps to make better decisions, feel at ease with self and choose their own path with confidence without worry “what if I fail”.

Trauma disconnects ourself from our authentic self , how we think about ourself and for that we have to rely on others to approve us. Increasing self-esteem, and recovery is to enhance self-confidence which helps to reduce feeling of anxiety too. In my experience I have seen people with anxiety has very low or no self esteem and confidence everyday is a struggle for them.

A healthy natural way to boost our self esteem is connecting to self by doing some meditation, praising self, exercise and movement. Depression, trauma, and stress can be linked to lost connection with our self. Being Creative help balance our mood and regulate our wellbeing.

Have you ever seen how animals shed stress by shaking, Shaking is one way that is the default way of shedding stress. Shaking helps us shake off nervous energy and centre ourselves.

As perfectionists,Tendency of people pleasing or anxiety around disappointing people keeps people in stress 24/7
Learning to tune into your bodies , when body is safe mind is not anxious , grounding helps people to disengage from trends, pressure , society’s idea of perfection and instead believing in self that opens new doors of opportunity and wellness.

Don’t let the stress build up. As perfectionists, people can be extremely good at working under pressure and in stressful situations.They are good at procrastinating and then at the last minute, pulling through. Sometimes this works well, and other times it doesn’t. But working under pressure like this can result in a buildup of stress on the body and mind.

If you haven’t taken the time to release the stress regularly, it accumulates, putting people at risk of chronic illness, anxiety and much more.

If you don’t balance your life with enjoyable activities, what you love , you are passionate about and don’t give time to process and release that build up. You become like a pressure cooker that explodes without adequate venting. We need release valves in our life—space to breathe, let loose, and shake off the stress. A quick fix may seem like a good idea, but it is sane just like treating the symptoms not working or understanding the core issue and beliefs that usually in perfectionism is I am not enough. If you don’t go to the root cause of presenting issue it often left feeling the same way. Until it is resolved with the help of conscious and subconscious mind.

Awareness is empowering.

When you are aware you understand yourself and behaviours that helps you to acquire balance in how you respond to situations in your lives. Ramped-up emotions like worry, fear, doubt, rejection and anxiety can lead to regretful or impulsive reactions due to past trauma and experiences. Often people are not aware to their triggers and deep-seated pain until they begin to be aware of their triggers and follow triggers to find the actual cause. 

When people endure childhood trauma they learn survival mechanisms to protect themselves from the stress and burden of feeling powerless. Thats the only way they cope with the situation. Those survival mechanisms are lifesavers during those times. When a child know he ll be punished if he tells the truth so it’s better to lie to be safe But if they continue operating in this way later in life, it become hindrances and problems in everyday life with relationships, career with this surviving pattern which no longer is appropriate in adult life.

You can be grateful that your mind brought up coping skills that helped you when you couldn’t help yourself and only worry was how to survive.Good news you can also choose to help yourself by learning to self-regulate and implement strategies that help you deal with stressful situations and toxic relationships. It is important to have self-compassion toward yourself as you go through life too.

“Being cut off from our own natural self-compassion is one of the greatest impairments we can suffer. Along with our ability to feel our own pain go our best hopes for healing, dignity and love.” Dr Gabor Mate

Be curious and funny like a child. You need to regularly invite that wild curious inner child for unplanned activity into your lives, not once in a blue moon. This is an essential antidote for a perfectionist because it’s usually the thing people neglect, put off the fun for later and that later never arrives or are most afraid of—letting go of control. Mind always avoid unfamiliar .

“Let life be with you, not against you. If you think ‘My life will be upside down’ don’t worry. How do you know down is not better than upside?” Shams Al Tabrizi

Once you make unfamiliar familiar It will be easier for you being carefree and embrace imperfection. Unfamiliarity spark curiosity, excitement, and a desire to explore like a untamed child.

I love to explore nature and there’s something magical about walking in nature—it grounds you to your roots it helps you to connects to who you are are. You are nature too and that’s why it reflects back to us who we truly are. I have never felt more alive , calm , connected and free than being amongst the trees, breathing , under the beautiful blue sky with an open path in front of me, and no plan other than to walk and embrace whatever comes next. 

Being authentic means Liberated!

As a perfectionists, people are going through everyday confusion between their authentic self and conditioned self. The real us power of true self lies underneath the conditioning and needs a second chance at life—and you are the only one whol peel those layers of conditioning to get your chance to vibrate in to your true power that comes with authenticity. This means parenting yourself and healing that wounded inner child in you that has unmet needs healing inner child is an opportunity to be loved, accepted, and embraced for who you are and and believing you are enough.

It is challenging to listen to your intuition when you have been conditioned to shut it off, ignore it, and listen to the authority figure instead of yourself . Children are vulnerable and they sacrifice their authenticity for the attachment for survival.

A authentic life is about you figuring your trueself, values that align with your authenticity . It is helpful when your “perfectionist” self wants to take over the control. Think of true values as a grounding and home to return safely to… It helps you define yourself and your own lives according to what you believe is valuable and authentic to you.

Believing in yourself.

The perfectionist’s biggest downfall is a lack of self belief and trusting their own self.From beginning because of the expectation they learned to value and take on other people’s opinions over their own. So, later on in life, they have difficulty trusting their own instincts and inner guidance. They suppressed their intuition and doubt themselves or seek validation from others to feel good. . Everyone will have different opinions according to their own experiences and perspectives. This leaves them open to making decisions that are not uniquely for them nor the best for them either.

“When you believe it. You ll see it.” Dr Wayne Dyer

Miraculous things happen when you develop inner trust and validate your own voice, needs, and intuition.You start to move past your conditioning, limiting beliefs and make strong, bold, and authentic decisions from your healed true self. Your path starts to look purposeful, hopeful , beautiful, light, and adventurous rather than pressured, heavy, blocked and stressful.

By trusting your own inner guidance, you can also begin to understand the patterns how this perfectionistic self works and how it has held you back and how it was stem in your infancy .

Learning about this and trusting yourself will also help you to show up with more grace, praise and love toward yourself. You will began to understand why You were in this never ending cycles or in the same loop for years .

I am a certified Hypnotherapist with a Speciality in Past Life Regression. With 20 years of experience, I am a veteran in the fields of Mind Science and Spiritual Coaching. My goal is to help you break free from the negative cycles that are preventing you from living your highest purpose.