Beyond acceptance and awareness, beyond experience of anger and the unfolding of autonomy, along with the celebration of our capacity for attachment and the conscious search for contact, comes assertion: it is the declaration to ourselves and to the world that we are and that we are who we are.
~~ Dr Gabor Mate.
Often we focus on goals and forgot about the journey, this year I intentionally chose to heal my body with this awareness I was led towards my first RTT session where I wanted to know when and where that disconnection with my body happened the session was not about weight loss it was about connecting with my body with love and awareness. I changed my lifestyle and started eating what my body need, I started eating sea food which I never liked except only Salmon I started having variety and recently tried sushi and Ioved it. I started listening to my body and started praising how my body always showed strength whether giving birth, healing from injury and above all have opportunity to have. Healthy life. I started seeing my body as a perfect body where there was only grace no shame.
Growing up with dysregulated nervous system with a lot of shame and judgement towards my body and at one point I started believing how disgusting my body is with extremely shrinked self esteem.
I feel I want to hide from everyone because I hated my body for so long I stopped listening so here comes psroaisis where I wanted to hide more and only show dispice towards my body and saw more of it the more I wanted to disconnect the more my body tries to get attention… and it was a vicious cycle until I intent to connect I went in to the root of disconnection.
The root cause was at birth the disconnection started that early expectation of a boy from my parents my early adoption as a vulnerable little child I perceived that I don’t matter, rejection, invisible for my whole life… hence a very low self esteem it was so painful that my mind decided to disassociate me and I did not have any memories and why I feel the way I do and denial that everything is perfect in my world .
When a child can’t fix a problem. Being bullied and having no power to stop it Experiencing poverty and being powerless to overcome it they experience helplessness and hopelessness. It’s known as learned helplessness the child learns they can’t fix this and are powerless to prevent it and it will be forever.
An imprint is thus formed that the child cannot stand up for themselves, that their voice is unheard, that they don’t matter, that they have no power, etc etc that the child can carry with them for life.
~~ Marisa Peer
I had my RTT session and in that I recalled the root cause of my disconnection from my body. I felt nauseated for two days never felt that It was very powerful two days after session I experience released of emotions in a dream.
I dreamt first it was a little water coming out of dessert sand and then in front of my eyes it was getting bigger and bigger and bigger then it just started flooding it was entering into my home from the glass door and it fills my lower portion it was happening so quick and I was witnessing all that in my dream what was amazing that there was a sense of hope that we had still upper section that has no flooding.
After that dream when I contemplate I realize that the emotions that was hidden for so long needed that release and outlet the moment I got in touch with my blocked emotions it got released. Water represented emotions that was under and hidden. Sand in my case was representing as my deeper level of unconscious mind (I was not aware of it as it was painful and my unconscious chose to hide it so I ll not feel pain) lower portion of my home represented subconscious releasing in form of flooding .
I figured that all the emotion that was coming on the surface and released.
Soon after that dream it just felt I am a whole new person holding only love for myself and my body.
Fast forward to 3 months I feel so much love for my body, I don’t see any fault anymore… my self esteem and self worth and confidence increased.
On my recent vacation i wore bikini did swimming (before I always wore burkini so my body should be hidden) sat in outdoor hot tub without any shame and a single negative thought about my body.
I started eating sea food my body needs that.. I tried sushi ? for the first time and I loved it.
Listening to body means feeding what body wants and the bonus i went back to my pre covid size without trying hard.. it is crucial to release emotions to live a healthy fulfilling and blessed life.
Ameenah Thobani, I am Counselling Hypnotherapist, Certified Consulting Hypnotherapist, Rapid Transformation Therapy Associate, Spiritual Hypnotherapist, Past Life Regressionist and Metaphysical Coach. I am a certified Reiki Master, Inner Child Healing expert, a teacher, and a Silva Ultra Mind Method Graduate.